an amalgam of anxiety + other news...
a self-indulgent rant, summer teaching schedule, and some metaphor involving a spider.
Saturday, May 18, 5:15 am –
I woke up early to a giant spider dangling inches from my face. So, needless to say - I am wide awake now. I also vaguely remember someone in my dreams last night taunting me that I hadn’t written a newsletter. I’ve taken the hint…
I’ll be taking about a month off from teaching and bodywork this summer. Of course, we’ll get to the schedule and all that shortly, but I wanted to be open about why.
In June, I feel very fortunate to be undergoing FFS (facial feminization surgery). It’s still strange to wrap my brain around, so even sending this update out causes my stomach to churn a bit. This queasiness could be the fear of surgery speaking, fear of the unknown, and fear of what anyone who reads this might think of me. Yep, that last one is probably the culprit, or at least the loudest part of the amalgam of anxiety as I write.
I don’t know how the folks I teach/help in the yoga world understand my transness. I don’t aim for high-femme – mainly cuz I spend my days rolling around on the floor. I don’t care to alter my baritone of a voice. And for better or worse, when I am in the role of teacher, I don’t particularly correct folks when they misgender me. Oh, and I haven’t changed my name. Thanks, mom + dad, for a gender-neutral name! I say all this to acknowledge that it’s very possible some people reading this might be surprised, confused, intrigued, perplexed, and other fun words.
“Wait, ryan’s trans?!” 😂
I am resisting waxing philosophically about why. Why this surgery? Why this type of gender-affirming care? I'm resisting because it's wildly personal, and I shouldn’t have to justify it. For other trans/queer folks, I am happy to share my internal process, but otherwise - that part is private.
The truth is, I don’t know much about what will happen.
Will I be perceived differently?
Will I recover easily?
Will taking time off from teaching completely tank BYC?
Will the results bring more of a sense of ease within myself?
I simply don’t know, which is scary… like a giant spider in front of your face when you wake up from a nightmare. And from another vantage point – on the other side of the room from the spider – no more or less scary than all the other unknowns and sufferings of everyday life.
I do know that I feel very fortunate that my insurance covers this care and that Massachusetts has been so far relatively untouched by the overwhelming number of proposed laws attempting to irradicate trans/queer health care.
I do know that I don’t want this to be a secret—hence, this life update wrapped in a schedule update wrapped in some strange metaphor about a spider.
I do know that I will take refuge in practice and the support of my family (chosen + biological) and broader community while I recover and figure out what’s next.
Okay, if you’ve made it this far, thank you!
I’m not good at asking for support, but honestly, the greatest thing you could do to help is continue attending class. If you can’t come to class—summer is busy after all—but would still like to support in a different way, please reach out.
Fez and I are working diligently on bigger projects for BYC at a pace that makes sense. Of course, that pace is slow … which is probably good. This, of course, includes our Summer 5-Day Retreat in August! I hope to be able to share more of that soon. It means the world to us that we are able to keep this little project going so thank you all for continuing to show up!
Remaining offerings in May/June – preregistration is always helpful!
Monday/Wednesday 5:15 pm Meditations will continue except the week of June 17.
Sunday 10:30 am Hatha Yoga
May 19, 2024
May 26, 2024
Jun 2, 2024
Jun 9, 2024
Jun 16, 2024
Fridays 4:30 pm Restorative
May 31, 2024
Jun 7, 2024
Jun 14, 2024
queering practice
monthly on Thursdays 6-7:30pm
May 30, 2024
Jul 25, 2024
Bodywork / 1:1
Sundays, Mondays, Fridays through June 16th
My hope is to return to teaching/bodywork sometime around the 15th of July!
Summer Retreat - 5 Days with Fez and Ryan
In Person at The Arlington Center or Online
August 2 – August 7
Friday 6-7 pm (Online for Everyone)
Saturday - Wednesday 12-5 pm
Bringing back an old summer tradition – we, Fez and Ryan, will be hosting our annual “It’s August in Boston and nothing could be better” 5-day meditation retreat. We will kick off the month of relative cultural quietude with our favorite form of internal quieting: sitting around and “doing nothing together.”
Priority will be given to folks who can sign up for the full 5 days. Beginning in July – if there is space – we will open up Saturday and Sunday for weekend only registration.
inspiring + interesting shtuff
At least to me…
What I am listening to…
What I am reading…
Here’s to giant spiders ❤️
🕷️💕